LDR, Relationship, Goal




I asked what do ya'll want me to write about,
I'm surprised to find that many asked to write about long-distance-relationship (LDR).

I actually wish more people would ask to read more about beauty stuff
like skincare/make up :( but only less than 5 asked for beauty but it's ok, I'll still do it :D
Many of you asked to talk about life goals, "way to success" lol so flattered
mental health, thoughts, motivation, relationship, books+++
I miss doing book reviews, I used to read a lot of young adult shit, I think I grew out of it, lol.
Anyway, I think I'll touch on the topics requested.



I don't think I'm "qualified" to advice on LDR.
I've experienced LDR but it wasn't very significant = not that experienced on LDR.
I think I was very childish and I thought I knew what love was, lol.

My current boyfriend and I are kinda on a not so long distance relationship.
He is based Singapore and another state in Malaysia, not sure if that's considered as LDR.
It's not really a ldr to me as he makes the effort to come back every weekend.
It was harder last year because he was in Singapore a lot.
I, too, make a lot of effort to go to Singapore and neighbouring state at least once a month.
We update each other at least every hour on daily basis, our whereabouts and our wellbeing.
We talk on the phone every night, video call every night, don't think we've ever missed one night.
I think we fight more if we are separated longer, lol lol.
So, we try to not be separated for too long, clingy af actually.

It's common sense tho.
LDR or normal relationship, it's the commitment and compromise.

Commitment.
Everything becomes mundane and both parties gotta be consistent.
If one gives up, it's not gonna work, LDR or not.
Like he would be home early to video call me.
I would try to get home early, I would try to arrange my meetings and work earlier.
We commit to living life together despite the distance and the circumstances.
We commit to make time for each other to maintain the relationship.

Compromise.
It's understandable that one might feel left out not being a part
of his/her partner's life while being separated.
That's when the imbalance feeling kicks in and compromise needs to take place.
Say, commitment is try being home early for the daily video call,
while compromise has a lot to do with dealing with disappointment -
what if he/she fails to come to the phone cuz he/she is busy with work/other stuff.
If your partner disappointed you or did not reach your expectation, how do you deal with it?
Compromise is similar to toleration.
Can you tolerate his/her doing?
In order to compromise, you need to understand.
In order to understand, you need a lot of communication by having open conversation.
It's hard to compromise without understanding what you really want.
It's basically striking a deal, a centrepoint between two.



I always believe there's a "friction" period in every relationship.
First, it's always the honeymoon period because you know nothing about each other.
It's super interesting and exciting to find out more about each other.
You would tolerate absolutely everything and anything...until the friction period.
It's where the fights start to happen more frequently.
It sounds like conflicts, ya'll fight about everything.
It's actually, usually fights about the silliest and the smallest things,
hence, it's friction rather than conflict, frictions between both - 小摩擦
It's either
the frictions help to mould both into a yin and yang -
two completely opposite but fit together perfectly to form a complete unity
(two puzzle pieces that fit together)
or
the frictions help you to decide that the opposite is totally out of shape/form
to even fit your mould.


Common sense.
Everyone should know lol.



Anyway, compromise and commitment are somehow complemented with maturity.
They are easier with maturity.
My bf and I are a lot stable than my previous relationships because we're more mature.
Age doesn't entirely equal to maturity.
As age catches up, we get more responsibilities.
We tend to understand things and situations better as we're exposed to
more things in working environment and such.



I didn't complete my uni in Malaysia because I decided to leave to Australia for a new start.
The biggest factor was my Australian ex boyfriend, lol.
It was an influenced, a biased decision.
I thought I found love, it was strong, it was destined.
You might feel this way at 19/20 but I would advice that
it's really not the time for a relationship, moreover a LDR.
So much effort and dedication, so little time for yourself.
Although there are people who meet their high school sweetheart, stick through uni together,
start working, BAM, husband and wife.
We are so into this ideology to achieve perfect relationship "pathway" by starting young.
It's risky, why not dedicate to your own self-growth first.
There's no failing in loving yourself first.



I've always been very daring.
Say it in a good way, I was fearless and courageous despite failures but
honestly speaking, I was young and dumb, stupid.
Guess my mum had a tough time with me.
So yeh, don't be stupid.
Whatever you are thinking right now, the "stupid" things you're considering now,
brush them off your mind cuz it's stupid, don't do it.
When you're young, you tend to justify the stupid things.
I'm telling you now, it's 100% stupid, it's 100% bad decision.
Yet, I understand, when we are young, we LIKE to make mistakes.
We like to make mistakes to see how its like cuz we're still learning.
We know it's stupid/it's wrong but we still take that leap of faith and do it anyway.


I regret till this day that I'm not a degree holder, almost like repentance.
I've brushed this off my mind for way too long.
Today, I'm finally back to school.
I just enrolled myself for night school, a 9-month long course, gahhhhhhhh.
Then, I will decide if I really want to take on a 3-year degree course way pass common uni age.
It's crazy, with work, with the pressure meeting my monthly financial commitment every month.
Foolish me, my parents paid for all my uni cost and see what I'm doing now.
I need to pay my own school fee to get back to school
*kicking and rolling on the floorrrrrrrrrrrr*
I'm actually afraid that my brain deteriorated and won't be able to absorb as much as before, lol.
I hope I pull through, pass the exam with flying colours to
satisfy myself, to make myself feel proud,
to give myself the recognition that only I can give it to myself. 





I'm not saying that relationship at young age leads to failure but
it totally wasn't a stepping stone to success (lol), it was pretty unnecessary, 能免则免.
There are no right or wrong decisions to me but good or bad decisions.
I'm not who I am today without my bad decisions.



7 comments:

  1. I love it when you write about relationship, please do it more often. You are so wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wished I read this years ago, so that I can enjoy my uni life with full of self-love. Anyway, you wrote this topic in a so beautifully and precisely way ❤️❤️❤️

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bao, by getting know you more, you just never failed to amaze me. I’m glad that we are friend huhu! Good luck on your studies and support u always! #youknowwhoiam

    ReplyDelete
  4. hey Daphne just wanted to say how amazing we have grown throughout the years, we're same age and I've been followong your blogs and social media since years ago before you've even gone to Aus. i guess ive always been happy for your every relationship cus i can really see how dedicated were you and how you've grown and inspired alot of girls, I'm surely one of them. god always save the best thing for us, it might come late but it will be here, as long we continue loving ourselves and do not put others above us. I'm happy for you for where you are, and let's keep inspiring us more! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. MAke beauty tutorials, I will follow you, I need it, even the most basic! XD
    I would love to go to Australia *.*

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey Daphne, thank you for writing about insightful and thoughtful ideas. I enjoyed your article v much!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I just read it today. I love how you being frank about relationship. Waiting more from you. Whatever it is, be you and stay being you. Thank you! <3

    ReplyDelete

© Daphne Charice DESIGN BY A.