I'm grieving and I know I'll grieve for some time or maybe forever.
Just hoping that the weight will get lighter as the days go by.
I want to talk about my father but I don't think I'm ready yet.
I'm learning to let go, I'm trying hard.
I can't even let go of little things in life easily, moreover my father's death.
Yet, I'm proud to say that I've learnt to let go of some negativity lately.

Put my grief aside.
I always have problem letting go because I hold onto things and people that I
FEEL or THINK they are important.
What I don't know is that some things I deem important don't mean
they are all good to me or good for me.
Sometimes, I hold onto the wrong things and the wrong people.
I'm pretty sure we all do.
 We have to learn to eliminate toxic things and toxic people from our lives.
Relationship or friendship, they are both the same.
You know someone is bad for you/bad to you,
you cling onto your initial perception, your initial viewpoint, your initial judgment.
You simply just want to stick up to your notion stubbornly even when people tell you otherwise.
Ask yourself : WHAT FOR?

We have more responsibilities as we grow, who has time for drama?
I had pretty bad relationships, they were kinda bad but not dramatic, heh.
It's always just bad, break up, I sad sad sad cry sad cry emo, wake up, bye.
Even if I have drama, it's usually not me but I just get involved anyhow.
Sometimes, I feel like an accessory, I always get dragged into shit.
Don't be an accessory to another person's drama and devilish plan.

To my surprise, backstabbing doesn't cutback as we grow but it's on the rise.
I don't get this, don't people have more important things to do in life than backstabbing?
I don't see what good is going to come with backstabbing. Literally none.
What will you get from backstabbing people and tarnishing someone's reputation?
Backstabbing is for insecure, troubled and intimidated people.
They try to make other people look bad, so they look better.
But honey, when somebody looks bad, it doesn't make you look good, it doesn't link. No link.
Backstabbing can turn to sabotaging because backstabbing often isn't 100% truth.
Backstabbing is speaking with biased personal opinions, misleading pointers+
Often not supported by facts and reasons but exaggerated with childish assumptions.
Sabotaging is a wrong act and it's sinful.
It might tarnish a person's reputation forever or create misunderstandings that
damage relationships and friendships.

Anyway, you are the best if you think you are the best.
There's no need for backstabbing.

If there's backstabbing, there will be a victim.
We often hear
I do agree but if one doesn't have a victim card, then how does one play the victim card?
Maybe the victim card is the last card someone has.
It could be someone's last cry for help.
 Some people can be that naive, they just get bullied but they don't voice it out.
That can be regarded as kind/tolerant/big-hearted/open-minded but sometimes, 
my homie, you're just getting bullied, you gotta stand up for yourself at the right, relevant time.

Backstab or backstabbed.
Don't you worry, child.
Sooner or later, people will know and people will puzzle it up themselves.

Even when you want to talk about someone,
know your limit.
 What is "somewhat acceptable" to COMMENT about someone
(but tbh your comment isn't needed, mind your own business)
what is going to hurt and affect someone wrongfully and permanently
without them even knowing what they did wrong or given a chance to explain.
You smile to them but backstab them, they don't even know about your dissatisfaction
towards them and they smile back to you like bollocks.
That's unfair.

How do I stay with my friends for so long? How do we do it?
Sincerity always comes first.
I always thought people need fate to be friends.
Yet, since a person and another person met, it was fate that brought them together right?
So, I think fate is out of the factors. Sincerity is the key.
Friends have to share the same core, basic, fundamental values, some sorta similarity in
life goals, point of view, perceptions + to be able to bond and stay together.
Some major similarities, not like I like strawberry jam but she likes raspberry jam,
we can't be friends.
There will be differences like: I really think I'm fcking dumb sometimes.
I get sad easily when I make dumb decisions and I get very negative.
Jane puts up with me for more than 11 years now and I wonder how she does it.
Jane has a big ego too, she can't lose, she gotta ♪ win win win no matter what~
There was this one reader who asked Jane what does she like and dislike about me.
Jane answered she's kind.
If you ask me what I like and dislike about Jane.
I'll answer the same thing, she's kind, she's wise and so on.
It all comes back to knowing that we are both kind, kind to each other.
It comes from the heart.
 For example, XXX1 believes in making money with high integrity and morally.
XXX2 thinks that it's not too bad to give up dignity to make money.
There's a major difference here.
They are not walking the same path in life, they don't share the same vision.
You can agree with XXX1 or XXX2, there is not right or wrong, it's your choice.
Everyone has a choice of life.
 So how now? What to do with XXX1 and XXX2?
Just don't be friends.
 Why? Because you can't be and you won't be sincere to each other.
XXX1 will never be sincere to XXX2 and vice versa.
Why waste time? Why force yourself to like someone when you don't?
You don't have to be fake, you don't have to like or dislike, just don't be friends.
You don't condemn people who don't share the same values as you,
you just have to stay away from people that you don't want to be/don't want to mix around with.
"Hi" and "bye" won't hurt, it isn't fake but there's no need to go any deeper.
No drama, just walk your own path in life.
We learn how to do that as we grow, that's why you had more friends in high school.
Your circle of friend gets smaller as time goes by.

Jealousy and envy.
There is a big difference.
I want to explain how I feel about these two words.
Jealousy contains the feeling of resentment and unhealthy competitiveness.
Envy is a pure form of admiration and respect to something/someone you aim to reach.
If one day, you find yourself being jealous of your friend's success.
Leave that person and come back with a bigger heart.
If you still don't have a bigger heart, don't come back, find new friends, lol.
Jealousy is one of the biggest causes to insincerity.
 Jealousy causes imbalance to your mental state.

You're envy of your friend.
It shows that you recognize his/her success, you're happy for him/her.
That's friendship.
Why stay friends if you can't be happy for your "friend"?
If your friend doesn't see the greatness in you, he/she doesn't deserve to be your friend.

Ok, too long, bai.

1 comment:

  1. Daphne,heartiest condolences to you and your family.. be strong like always ♥


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