Some people don't look sick even when they're sick

Picture by Mervin.

It was all over Facebook.
I was with my friends when I saw this news about a 19-year-old girl
killing one and injured four by driving against the flow of traffic.
It was believed that she was drunk and high on meth(drug).
I felt angry and I told my friends about it.
"Look at all these people taking drugs and driving drunk, getting people killed."

I reached home and I told my mum about the same news.
I flipped to the news channel and they were reporting on this.
I kept condemning her action, I was so quick to judge.
It's also what the media makes me think.
"Girl killed one, injured four, believed drunk, tested positive on drug+++"
There was also sick news about a 2-year-old girl dying of stomach injuries,
she is believed to have been raped and abused.
Sick, so sick.
I turned the TV off and I couldn't sleep that night.

Days later, I read about a report of this 19-year-old girl having an OKU card.
Orang Kurang Upaya, she's a disabled person.
I don't know if she was using drugs legally or she misused the drugs,
it doesn't excuse the fact that she killed one man on the road.
People are quick to judge, including me.
I want to blog about this because I think I understand part of it.
Sometimes, shit just happens.
As I said, I learnt a lot about life through my dad's cancer.
Unfortunately, fortunately, I learnt a lot.
I'm also learning to see things in wider, different perspectives.

My dad still looks healthy, he can walk, he can stand, he can move on his own.
Very skinny but he has always been skinny (I got the skinny gene from him).
 What you don't know is...
he has a tube hanging out from his stomach.
Yup, a tube for feeding.
(He drinks milk six times a day, yes, it's costly.
My birthday is coming, get me Prosure and Ensure milk powder
if you're planning to get me anything, I don't need anything else than milk powder.)
I don't know how to describe how the tube is hanging out
 but he carries a tube since November 2016.
He was on full liquid diet months ago, now he can eat some soft food orally.
Putting on his shirt and rugged jeans, he looks perfectly fine, he doesn't look sick.
He looks healthy, nobody would know that he's sick.
He doesn't have an OKU card because he is NOT OKU but still, he is sick.
He has an open wound but nobody can see it.
Another thing is, he also lost his voice.
Yes, he lost his voice.

I never thought that I was going to write this down.
It's so personal but my dad doesn't seem to mind.
 I was writing a novel before finding out about his cancer, I wanted to be a novelist.
I was writing a fictional novel about teen romance.
Then, I stopped writing it because it's garbage.
I was writing garbage when the world is so much more than this.
I always say life is shit, life happens, shit happens, I still think that way.
The only thing we can do is to deal with it every step of a time.

Back to my dad.
He can't really talk because he lost 90% of his voice.
He moves slower and he has to be very careful when he walks/moves
to avoid ripping the tube off his stomach.
We don't have an OKU sticker on the car but sometimes I wish we had one.
It will be useful when we run errands or do hospital trips.
I also wish that people will be more aware if there's an OKU sticker.
I've never brought it up because I didn't want my dad to think wrongly that
I label him as an OKU.
My hero, my dad has now completed 3 cycles of chemotherapy (15 days of chemo),
TWENTY-FREAKING-FIVE rounds of radiotherapy.
25 rounds.
I drive 45 minutes every morning at 6am for his radiotherapy on weekdays.
I had never miss any of his appointments until I had to go overseas for work.
He had to drive himself to get his treatment done and drive home.
I was so worried, I didn't even have the mood to work and I couldn't sleep at night.
It was torture.
 He doesn't have an OKU sticker, he doesn't have an OKU card but
he's definitely fit to drive.
I just get worried because you know, shit can happen.
Accidents can happen, I rather avoid it by driving him myself.

Am I asking people to forgive the 19-year-old girl?
I don't know what really happened.
It doesn't help the fact that she killed a man.
A wife just lost her husband, forever. It's sad.
Yet, it's not for us to judge.
The court will decide on what punishment she'll get.
I read an article about this lawyer condemning this girl saying something like
you drop a bomb but you don't mean to kill anyone but you still dropped a bomb.
Say, you dropped a bomb and you killed one person, you still dropped a bomb.
Say, you dropped a bomb and you didn't kill anyone, you still dropped a bomb.
It means that he thinks she's convicted.
I don't know? What if she was born with this "bomb" = her sickness,
she accidentally dropped this "bomb" that she had been carrying all her life?
I don't know what is right or wrong.
There are people who "misuse" their "disabilities" to gain benefits or to take advantage.
Some use "it" to run away from crimes.
I guess there's no right or wrong sometimes, it's a lot to do with morale.
Like how my dad didn't want to use the ambulance.
I was at a glamorous event in KL, sipping champagne and shit happened.
I received an urgent call from my mum.
That irony though.
 I drove 45 minutes home and convinced my dad to go to the hospital.
Some shit happened that night, then I dropped him at emergency.
He was fine, it was fine but it's cancer, you know?
It's unpredictable and again, shit happens...
He didn't want to make a big fuss about it.
He just doesn't want to be more "privilleged" just because he's sick.
He carries his own bags, he walks his stairs because he doesn't want to be treated
as a sick person even when he is sick.

I'm not here to tell you what is right or what is wrong.
It happened.
Shit happened.
What we need in life is compassion.
You really want to help?
Go to the lady whose husband was killed.
Give her financial support, mental support if you really want to help.
The least you can do is shut up and stop making social media such a scary place.
It will pollute youngsters' mind.
Youngsters might grow up to be judgmental and angry.

However you want to live your life, it's your choice.
Your parents give you your life.
To be honest, parents are not always right but they are 99%, mostly right.
Listen to your parents.
I'm not a perfect human being, I drink alcohol too but I never touch drugs.
Don't do drugs.
Drink sensibly and responsibly.
Don't hurt your family and friends, the people who love you.

Oh, and whenever you knock into someone unintentionally or
someone knocks into you unintentionally,
say sorry anyhow, check if they're ok.
You wouldn't know.
Some guy walked into my dad without saying sorry.
I was so furious, I just wanted to shout
But I didn't, lol.
Be more mindful.
A sick person who doesn't look sick doesn't mean that he/she isn't sick.


I recently got to know two little girls, Ashley and Ainsleigh.
They have been so supportive, they go to my singing gigs.
They buy me flowers for my shows, I'm so flattered with their adoration.
It was Ainsleigh's birthday, their mother, Yvonne's parenting done right.
They invited kids from children home and elderly from the care centre
to celebrate birthday together.
I was asked to sing for the children and the elderly.
I was emotional when I saw these kids and elderly, I don't understand a lot of things.
I don't want to elaborate but I do what I can to care for these people who need love and care.

Ashley and Ainsleigh made "A Jar Of Hearts" with wishes written
by the children and the elderly.
They present the "Jar Of Hearts" to me on stage to wish my dad a speedy recovery.
They also gave me a "No.1 Dad" trophy to give it to my dad.
I wanted to cry.

People like these give me hope.
Thank you so much.


  1. well written.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  2. It's call Gastrostomy Tube. To be honest, it is not fresh for me to know that your father's situation, because I myself had seen people from the range of new born babies to elderly death, and all the diseases in between. I wish I was there to give you hug and let you feel the warmth. Stay strong, and keep up your good work.

  3. I always felt as if your heart is being laid out (okay sounds creepy) when I read your blogposts (esp a lil sentimental ones).

    Yeah.. in life, not all things go well as what we expect them to be. However, chin up & trust in Jesus, Daphne.

    Things happen and we can choose either to blame or to find gem even in disguised blessings.

    Praying for you and your family x

  4. Tears were rolling in eyes when I read this post. Totally understand your feeling towards the society. And you're so strong Daphne, really strong. Really wish a speedy recovery to your hero dad and wish your fam and you could be strong enough. 💪

  5. you're such a genuine person and it makes me sad that people don't see the world in the way you do. you don't take this for granted-- which is good. i hope you have a good life.

  6. Thank you for being genuine. The world could use more people that have the courage to be genuine. In case you're curious, Facebook showed me your page when I was searching for a friends blog page. Know that you aren't alone in daring to be genuine.


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