It's already the eleventh day of 2017.
What is this? Time is creeping up on me, time is a creep.
I was deciding what to write about on my first post of 2017.
It is crucial. It needs to start off great.
A resolution post? It's boring.
When I was 23, I had my cafe.
When I was 24, felt like I got nothing done.
Oh, I went to the UK, not too bad because going to the UK was a childhood dream.
I played pretty big gigs too, hahaha, one of them was opening for William Singe.
That was the best crowd I've ever played to so far cuz the crowd got my shit.
2016 was a shitty year for me.
As angmoh as I want to be, I'm still cina inside, I was born in the year of Monkey.
2016 was the worst year for us Monkeys.
Enough is enough, 2016 took so much from me, it's enough.
It's a lot about my father lately.
Going through hardships with him has taught me a lot.
Every obstacle, I learn something new.
I'm the one who does hospital trips with him.
We went to the hospital to get a biopsy done on Monday.
The ENT department was under renovation so they moved it next to the pediatrics.
I saw so many sick babies and toddlers.
It made me feel so sad. So sad that I tried so hard to hold my tears back.
I didn't want to let my dad see any sadness in me.
I saw children born with defects.
It reminded me of a documentary I watched about irresponsible parents who take drugs
before and during pregnancy,
their children are born with defects and some with an addiction.
That I can explain because their parents are pure devils.
How to explain gene problem that can't be controlled?
Some are just born with defects.
No, it doesn't make children with defects any less beautiful or less human.
I saw a super super super cute Malay toddler.
Chubby, coconut tree hair style, tied with a pink ribbon.
She was whining, sitting in her stroller.
Her grandma was comforting her.
Her grandma was also talking to a mother next to her.
They talked about her condition, how she's tough and she's crying because of the needles.
I saw needle holes all over her hands and I shedded a tear.
She wasn't even crying, she was just whining, still looked lovely as ever.
She held her grandma's hand with her two little hands and she rested her head on her hands.
I can't understand why is the world so cruel.
She's an adorable child, an innocent child.
Don't ever want to get started on the kids who are caught in the war.
I overheard a baby with lung problem.
She's probably only 2 months old?
Another active toddler, running around, being friendly to everyone.
She can't touch her upper lips with her tongue.
I don't know what is her illness but she's sick.
They look perfectly fine outside.
They look beautiful, they look healthy but they are actually sick.
I once watched a video about an antheist condemning religions.
I only remember this part of him saying if God created this world,
tell me about babies born with genetic bone cancer, blood cancer.
Why? What did they do to deserve this?
They never ask to be born.
I also believe in karma.
If you do something bad, something bad is going to come after you, it comes back to you.
Don't ever think that there's no karma, it's just not time yet.
Some say that karma comes back, imposes and inflicts your following generations.
You're responsible for the things that you do.
Why does your offspring need to pick your shit up?
Even you are generally a good person, shit can still happen to your offspring and that's a torture.
As outgoing as I am, I am also family orientated.
I think I'm quite domesticated.
I always wanted to marry young and have a family.
At that moment, I have a thought of never having a child.
Yet, who am I to decide what I want or don't want in life?
It happens when it does.
It doesn't happen when it doesn't.
What a post to start 2017 off, lol lol.
So what am I saying? I don't want a child in 2017? Hahaha.
I'm trying to say that life is unfair.
Life is unfair, some times, most of the time.
I need to accept what is thrown at me.
The good things and the bad things.
Working and hoping for all the goodness to come.
I've been doing for years but I just feel I'm not ready to take it seriously.
How do I expect people to take my singing seriously when I don't even take it seriously?
I don't want to sing "skill" and "vocal", I want to sing “soul".
1. I want to work on being a singer.
2. Getting myself published.
I'm writing a novel.
3. I really need to gain at least 5 kilograms.
Happy New Year.