Late Night Thoughts : Be Brave

Just watched Insurgent with a friend.
The movie was okkkkkkkk.
I like that part where Tris said something like
"I want to be brave but I'm not brave, I just pretend to be brave,
I want others to think that I'm brave but I really am not brave"

When we walked out of the theatre, my friend was saying
"Why is it all about heroins nowadays?
Like the girls being the hero and save the world?"

I looked at him like this =,=
"Cause, we koool like that!!!"

He was dropping me back to my store.
He had to make a big round to drop me at the door.
That particular street was so jammed up.
I was like "just drop me here, I'll walk across the alley, you don't need to make a turn."
"Nooooooo, who would let you walk across that dark alley?"
"Erm, I do that sometimes."
"It's too dangerous."
"Come on, I am Tris!"
"You? Tris? Not even close. She can protect herself, you can't!"
"What? I am Tris, I'm a superwoman."
"Ok, maybe the thinking side, you have a mind of a superwoman, but physically..."
"Well, I can kick their balls, lol."
Hmmm, maybe I should start going for taekwando classes.

Self protection?
There's no such thing as self protection for girls.
Look at Tris, she keeps pushing herself off the cliff to save people around her.
She surrenders herself just to save her loved ones.

We also had a GBGTVxUrbanDecay event today.
It was pretty crazy, like, we were actually there to INSPIRE and influence girls.
Talk about being successful, how to achieve this and that.
What are we proud of, define success and so on.
It was crazy.
You know, I'm not even successful, it was just crazy.
I hope I gave good speeches and I hope I influenced or inspired some of them in the room.
Just lotsa gibberish, I just spoke what was on my mind and I tried to entertain the crowd.
You get the nerves talking to young girls looking at you and listening to you.
I was nervous, although I didn't show that.

Another part of Insurgent that inspired me...
(不只是看一個戲 那麼多感想 ............)
About amity, about Tris not forgiving herself.
Amity includes self forgiving and forgiving others.

I haven't found a way to forgive myself.
Just one simple mistake. I let someone in and got my heart completely crushed.
I just don't know why, why such a small thing gave me such a big impact.
It could be nothing to anybody else, I don't know why such a big impact on me.
It's me, myself, it's not about that person anymore, it's about me dealing with my failure.
It's crazy, it's annoying, it's irritating, I don't want to feel this way, I hate it.
It's like I'm ok when people let me down now.
I don't know, I just hate it that I let myself to be let down in the first place.
Sometimes, I feel so scared that, I'm afraid that I'll never get over,
that I MIGHT never get over this.
I read this quote, it says you don't get over it, you just get to where it doesn't bother you so much.
I do not want that, I don't want that.
I want to completely get over it.
I might not get over it, still, I'll eventually get through it but I'll never be the same anymore.
I always ask why, why me, why did I even let this happen.
 I don't want to be different, I don't want to feel different.
I feel like my dignity, my self respect, my self confidence, they are all so thrashed.
I can't even take compliments.
You know how sometimes people are very nice and they compliment you.

Just gotta be brave, be so brave, just gotta brave it.
I've got to find ways to cope with it.
Music, that's why I'm so passionate about music.
Sometimes I laugh at myself fangirling over Ed Sheeran so crazily.
I don't know, I've become so dependent on music to heal my soul.

Can't wait.
Can't wait for the day till it doesn't bother me anymore.
Just can't wait anymore.

My friend just sent me this picture.
Someone took photo of me stressing over work.
Yup, some might think my life is glamorous but no.. this is what it is.

Brave the shit out of yourself, girls.
Don't even know what that means but just be brave.

Song of this late night.
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer.
So good, so good, crazy tune, especially the sound of the guitar when it started playing.
Romantic but sad tune, what mixed feelings.

1 comment:

© Daphne Charice DESIGN BY A.