Diary : Emotions, Paper Towns review

Sometimes people tell me
"Wow, your blog is so real" bla bla bla.
Think about it, all I do is whine, whine on my blog.
Is it whining? Maybe not...
Maybe just spreading senseless, foolish emotions to people.
People think I'm a good example but I'm a bad influence.
I'm 22, I can't get my shit together.

There are few things I want to talk about today.

Emotional Roller Coaster
Never allow yourself to go on the "emotional roller coaster".

Simon told me that I fall for the simplest things in life and
that I'm a happy person because I'm easily satisfied.
I let myself on the emotional roller coaster.
When I feel happy, I feel really happy, I want to share with the world.
When I feel sad, I feel extremely devastated, I just want to be alone.
Look at where I am right now.
The past 2 months were fantastic, good things happened in life.
I couldn't be more thankful, I smiled, I laughed every single day last two months.
People started worrying about me being TOO HAPPY.
I actually laughed sarcastically when I typed that sentence.
Worried about me being too happy! HA! Too happy... Need to be worried... HA!
It's like a roller coaster ride, you reach the top, highest you can go.
Wait for it, wait for it...
You fall, no, you drop, abruptly, beyond your control, without you expecting.
You drop, from the highest to the lowest.

That's when you're crushed, emotionally, so crushed, you're doomed.
There are so many things which are out of your control and expectation.
Shit just happens, it just happens.

At that time, you wish you got on a Carousel, not a roller coaster.

The wise says "no expectation, no disappointment".
We expect too much in life.
Let me correct that, I EXPECT too much in life.
Remember I said I always believe if I don't deceive people, people won't deceive me.
I'm expecting them to be nice to me just because I'm nice to them.
I'm expecting people to think the way I do because I think the way I do.
You see my expectation there?
It doesn't work that way.

Expectations kill everything.

 Everyone is different
The point before leads me to this and it's something from Paper Towns that inspired me.
About expectation.
Paper Towns is kind of similar to Looking for Alaska.
I don't remember if I blogged about Looking for Alaska, I probably did.
These two books are pretty good but they didn't "wow" me that much.
I'll give them a 7/10.
There's one part that impressed me and it made me think.
I'm supposed to have my book with me right now because I need it for reference.
I wasn't thinking much, I left it, I left it on my bed, shit!

Spoiler alert!
It was when Radar scolded Q for blaming Ben being caught up with prom.
Q was eager to find Margo, Ben was eager to go to prom with  Lacey.
Ben couldn't care more about finding Margo.
Q couldn't understand because he thought that Margo's disappearance was more important.
Q was pissed at Ben for NOT CARING.

Radar said something like...
Ben is still Ben, Q is still Q, Radar is still Radar.
Ben wants to go to prom, it's the last week before graduation.
Q loves Margo since forever, Q wants to find Margo.
Radar wants to go to prom with her new girlfriend.

 Well, thank God for internet, I don't even need my book for reference. Here you go.
“You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves.
I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never 
being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like,
never asking me about how it's going with my girlfriend - 
but I don't give a shit, man, because you're you. 
My parents have a shit ton of black Santas, but that's okay. They're them.
I'm too obsessed with a reference website to answer my phone sometimes
when my friends call, or my girlfriend.
That's okay, too. That's me.
You like me anyway. And I like you.
You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.”

 The world doesn't spin around you.
You love a person, a friend, family for who they are.
You don't expect them to adjust to fit your mood, fit your life.
You like them for who they are.

Don't expect people to understand you.
They are them, you are you.

I always ask my friends for advices but I know them myself.
I know what's good, what's bad for me.
I know what's real, what's fake to me because I, myself, experienced it, not you.
Sometimes, you won't understand because you're not me, you don't know what I'm feeling.
Even if you understand how I feel, you still have your own thinking.
Everyone is entitled to their own thinking, own perception, own opinion.
You're a wise person, you expect your friend to think the way you think, wise.
No, it just doesn't work that way.

Be there for them, it's as simple as that.

 Paper Towns by John Green
A few quotes that I really like.

My favourite will be the one here-
  “It is so hard to leave—until you leave.
And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

“The town was paper, but the memories were not.” 

“If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all.”  

“I'm starting to realize that people lack good mirrors.
It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.” 

A few parts made me laugh, especially when Ben superglued himself to a beer can sword.


Don't disregard how one handles pain
Mentally/emotionally or physically.
Just like how I can stand the pain of getting a tattoo, my friend can't take the pain.
Just like how a person takes heartache well, some, obviously, not so good at it.
Only people who experienced true heartache know the pain.
I can't remember when did I last feel such devastation.
This is the worst so far, ...I don't know?
I felt horrible, I feel so terrible, it makes me feel like puking, literally.
You can't talk, you needed someone but you can't talk.
The pain runs through your body, you can't eat too.
Your chest doesn't hurt but your heart aches, I don't know, you just feel it.

I read this article one year back.
It says something like only people who experienced heartache can sing about it and write about it.
I reckon it's true, I don't know why I'm thinking about Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars.

This post is getting too long.
I should end it.

Have a good day, xx.


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