Never be jealous of your partner's ex






Sigh, sometimes I feel this dilemma.
I'm so inspired to type a post or to say something but sometimes.. I keep backspace-ing or deleting.
I just can't, you know, it might cause problem or... I don't know man, I let it slip.
Sometimes, I feel like I want to be a "Elite Daily" or "Huffington" writer that I can write things.
Write things that can relate to people, to my readers.
Every single time I want to say something, I always HAVE to think twice.
I don't want to think twice, why? I have my rights and my freedom to say stuff (responsibly).
I'm a blogger, I'm a public figure, I post stuff publicly, you have the choice to read it or not.
There are times that I just decide not to give two shit.
I just do it without writing a script or having any preparation.
I just do it and it's usually bad, just like the video I did previously.
I can speak Mandarin fluently but I'm poor at expressing my thoughts, then I was misunderstood.
As a Gemini myself, I feel that I always explain, I like to explain to people.
I like to reason with people, I do not like fights or misunderstandings, I reason.
Come on, we are all civilized people.
I don't like drama, my friends and I don't have dramas because we don't do dramas.
I decided to ignore when I first knew about this.
I tried to let it slip but we heard something very bad of me about this issue today.
I felt that I'm being misunderstood and I want to have my say.
As I was typing this, I texted Jane and told her that "I'm very inspired, can I blog this?"
She has always been protective of me and she always told me to hide my thoughts.
It came to my surprise that she told me to go ahead and just remember to be neutral.
I was like "man, of course, thanks bro!"
I needed that push, I needed that confidence.






The title seems a little too full of myself because I used the word "jealous".
As you all might think that "you must have experienced this before, so you typed a post like this."
No, I mean in general, generally, I was jealous of my ex partner's ex girlfriend.
 Nobody's perfect you know, sometimes you get jealous, you care, you do it out of love.
I wasn't really a jealous girlfriend, I was more a bad tempered girlfriend, lol.

I'm very inspired to type this post because of this.





So just the other day, I was cleaning my room.
FYI, my room is really messy and my wardrobe is so full that I put my clothes on my bed.
(It's a great use for a double bed btw, lol.)
Just want you to know how cluttered my room is.
Anyway, I haven't cleaned my room for a very long time and I found this little drawer.
I put my expensive accessories in it and I found a small black box.
I was like "hmmm what is this?"
When I opened it up, I felt so warm at heart, I was surprised that I still keep it.
 Really lovely, awwwwww, it's a tiny music box, awwwww...
No, I "awwwww" not because I still can't let go of my ex.
I "awwwwww" because I feel this little gift is so special and precious.
It must have meant a lot to me that I put it in this drawer.
I was so inspired that I had to post it on my instagram, I said:
"When we were younger and we had no money, we actually gave the most meaningful gifts"
It's true, what I meant was how materialistic this world is becoming.
A gift is always a branded bag, branded bracelet, an iPhone, fancy stuff++.
Then I gave an example that he was eighteen and I was sixteen.
It's not that we had no money, wait, we really had no money.
We live on, like, hundred bucks weekly, monthly?
We used to make valentine's cards for each other, we poured our heart and soul into it.
I saw the Gucci bag my 2nd ex partner got me for birthday and I just looked at it.
No special feeling, because, it's a bag, ok, it's a Gucci bag, cool.
If someone now burns me a CD with his favourite songs or my favourites songs,
I'd probably wet my pants (not literally, just an exaggerated expression).
"Do you feel that repentance though?"
I actually meant that life is filled with repentance but we grow out of it.
We don't live in the past, time flies, we grow up.





This post caused problem because my ex boyfriend's girlfriend was furious about it.
Girlfriend went on a Facebook rant about me, I think, no, I HEARD.
Saying that I do not respect her and she also attacked me personally.
Personal attack 人生攻擊 is not cool, man, not cool.
If you think I want to steal your boyfriend, you make comments about it, well, cool..for you.
Totally unrelated, saying that I'm ugly and my personality is shit.
You don't know me, I have people who have known me for so long.
I'll let them judge themselves, hmmm, I can't please the whole wide world.
I don't want to start a drama but I always get judged starting a drama just because I'M A BLOGGER.
You all memang prejudiced lah, don't do that.
I don't want to read what she wrote about me, I also don't want to know what she said about me.
But I know she said very very bad things about me, lol, oh well...
I meant, hi, I do not follow you, you do not follow me, I don't know you, you don't know me.
You and me, two girls, we have nothing to do with each other.
I don't even follow my ex boyfriend(her boyfriend) and I don't even stay in touch with him.
I respect them because now he has a girlfriend, we don't keep in touch.
I do not understand how and why did I come into the picture.
Well, the only thing I can think now is that she kinda stalked me?
Then, that's her problem or her friends' problem.
Cause her friends probably gossiped about it with her.
Tell them "no, I don't want to know shit about her!"
(Friends play a very huge part in situations like this, it's either 火上加油 or the other way round.)





These are the examples I'm using but I'm not talking about just her, I talk in general.
Just to clarify, I speak in general, including myself.
1. Trust your partner.
You probably go furious because you assume that they have something "undone".
Ok, even if, in this case, your boyfriend's ex still misses him.
If you trust your boyfriend enough, you wouldn't even give a damn about her.
Cause you know that he will be loyal to you and will never betray you.
There's another situation that he might have a bad history.
So, well, deal with your boyfriend, why are you mad at his ex?






2. Never disregard what your partner had with his/her ex.
This is the main point I want to get it out there.
I'd say that my ex boyfriend and I had been through difficult times.
I saw him not eating, sleeping well, not talking when he lost somebody so important.
I watched him recovering, healing from hurt, step by step.
I was with him when he had his first operation.
He had his very difficult times and so happened that I was in his life at that moment.
He was the one taking pictures of me when I had my first Holy Communion.
He was the first one who brought me to the parks for walks.
He was also in my life when I was at my lowest, when I lost everything, when I had nothing.
Yes, we had bad times, we also had wonderful times.
He had seen the worst of me.
But those are what we HAD, not what we have.
He's such a pain in the ass because he had been giving me problems
even after we had broken up for years.
His ex girlfriend before this current girlfriend hated me as well (we're in good terms).
Yes, sometimes, I think back at it, you know, I'd be a little sentimental but no, it's the past.
Those are good memories, I miss the good memories, I miss him as a part of my memories.
Yeah, you might not go through the same thing with your partner like 
what your partner had gone through with his or her ex.
Accept it, accept what they had, respect what they had.






3. Think about what your partner has done right, done specially for you,
not what he/she had done for his/her ex.
Ok, I'm going to use this as an example again, but I hope they don't get offended or whatever.
He might have done this and that with me but he had never gotten me Cartier ring.
Last I know, he got them a pair of Cartier rings right after they got together.
Well, that's very nice, that's very sweet.
You know, rings are no joke, rings resemble a commitment.
So yeah, there you go, should I be jealous in this case then? No.


Another situation, I sometimes would be jealous and go like
"Have you done this with her? Have you been here with her?"
If the answer is yes, and I mind, then
"Ok, I don't want to come here anymore, let's explore new places!" :)
If I don't mind at all, then ok, let's dine here,
this restaurant is not opened just for my partner and his ex,
this park doesn't belong to my partner and his ex.






4. Do not compare yourself to your partner's ex.
Guys, don't point fingers at girls for comparing.
Guys do it a lot too.
People always say don't compare.
Somehow, I think comparing has its good and bad.
Just don't overdo it.

My ex once told me
"My ex girlfriend doesn't throw tantrum like you"
I was like "HORHHHHH, NOW YOU'RE COMPARING?!"
But then, I would think to myself
"Ok, I want to be better, I shouldn't throw tantrum like this anymore."

My ex also once told me
"My ex girlfriend has never done this to me before, thanks for the surprise."
I would feel like "fuuuuuaaa, now only you know that I'm good."
You know, you feel proud about it.





5. You're responsible for your own insecurities.
"Will he cheat on me?", "Is she sleeping with him?", "Is she still missing my man?"
You're responsible for your own insecurities, do not put it on your partner.
It's also your partner's responsibility to make you feel secured, I know, I know.
Yeh, but you're greatly responsible for it because,
if you do not trust him/her, you do not believe in the both of you,
you're not going to listen to every single shit he/she has got to say.
Ask yourself, why? Is your partner not doing enough or are you just thinking too much?

I guess the situation would be better given if I'm taken.
Too bad, I'm forever alone, so, some might feel that I still miss their boyfriend.
No, my dark knight is still on his way, not efficient, patient lah sikit.





6. The past is the past, let it go.
This sounds really cliche but yeah...
Look around you, he/she is now here with you.
He/she is sleeping next to you.
He/she is kissing you on the forehead and tell you good night.
Don't take it for granted.






I'm sorry for the overflowing sentiments but you gotta respect me that I have feelings too.
I'm a sentimental person and I'm also very 念舊.
I miss the memories and I'd say that what I had with my ex partners were all special.
It's not possible to scrape my ex boyfriends off my life, they helped me grow.
They were in different phases of my life.
I would write things about them, I might write songs about them.
(Wow, so now I want to be Taylor Swift? Lol.)
They inspired me, still inspire me because we had the love.
Love is a strange thing, it makes you feel.
It's the same as pain, quoting John Green,
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
Same thing as love, it demands to be felt.
Past or present, you had it or you have it.
It's something indescribable and one should never disregard "LOVE".

You're not happy about it, then just don't give a damn about me.
I don't know you, you don't know me, we have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
I don't know what it's gonna be, what kinda problem I'm gonna cause after typing this post.
There are consequences to bare with but I guess it's worth the risk.





6 comments:

  1. Everyone have the right to express their feeling...as long as won't feel regret then is fine...
    "Human life, we decide"!!!
    This is what we are looking at...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice post Daphne! God is testing your patience with an immature person. Hope she gets some help tho 😂 you go girl!!! 😁💪

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  3. I sometimes get grief for writing what I want and how I want to write it. I just think 'fuck them, this is my blog.'

    Well said, I love this post and I am glad you expressed your thoughts and feelings!

    Much love,

    Lauren Nicole O'Hara

    lauren-ohara-x.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. The tips above are so useful and so true especially how we should take responsibility of our own insecurities. I am guilty in some aspects of being jealous of my boyfriend's ex but you have opened my eyes to new perspectives on the issue. I'm sure many girls in this situation will be enlightened and find this post helpful. Thank for writing this!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great post and good insight daphne, thank u for writing

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  6. I have the same feeling, sometime I wanted to write about my thinking and past experience in my blog. The next day there will be many of my friends will 对号入座! Sometimes very frustrating. Why can't I just write anything I want! !. Enjoy reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete

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