Wednesday, November 19, 2014


Hey ya, I'm back from Philippines.
I went to Cebu for this trip.
Thought I'll be going to Manila end of this month but not going anymore.
Wish I get to visit Manila soon.
Philippines was amazing, I'll blog about it later.

I did a little soul searching throughout this trip.
Just a very little soul searching with the very little time allowed, lol.
I find that I fear a lot.
I need to learn to lose the fear, let go of it.
I don't know since when I'm fear of so many things.
I used to be so carefree and I'd just do whatever I want.
Too many bad decisions making I guess.
I fall, I know the pain, I really don't want to fall again.
I try really hard to "fix" things, to make sure things don't go wrong.
 I often fear that things go wrong.
How to let go of fear if you ask me...
I don't even know how to.
I asked a friend
"Don't you fear...?
Well, how do you do this?
How do you not fear?"
She said
"I do fear but there's nothing you can do about it!"
Yeh, absolutely, it's true.
There's nothing I can do about it.
It's useless to feel fear about it because you can't do anything about it.
Shit is going to happen if it is meant to happen.
It's frustrating to know that shit happens sometimes.
You really just don't want shit to happen.
But hey, it's life.
Sometimes, I make decisions out of fear.
I don't want to lose something important, I surrender, I cling onto it.
I don't want to let go, I'm afraid that if I let go, I'll lose it forever.
When I think about it, fear links to not being able to let go.
I still can't learn to let go.
It's really bad because I'm so vulnerable.
I don't know man, the key to all these is to learn self confidence.
Be confident, love yourself more, none of these will happen.
I don't know, sometimes I feel I do too little for myself and a little too much for others.
 I just wish everyone is happy.
When they are happy, I'm happy too.
Which is very wrong again.
Cause you own your own happiness.
If you depend on people to give you happiness, it's wrong.
You need to be happy yourself first.
You need to be able to make yourself happy first.
My goodness, I'm such a bad writer, all these contradictions.
Swaggaboi6989 said I'm a bad writer.

I don't understand why people would want to grow up.
I wanted to grow up when I was 15.
What was I even thinking? Hahaha.
I so wanted to be 18 when I was 15.
When I was 18, I was like "hold on, go back, go back, it's a trap!"
It's life, it's just life.
 "Dude, having these crazy deep thoughts recently, we're growing up."
"Ya, me too."
"I don't wanna grow up, dude"
"I just want to lock myself in a box and never grow up."
"It's life, dude."
"It's like, every day is a new challenge."
"Yes, if everything was simple, we would not be here."
"Wait, why are we talking about this in the morning?"
"Hahahahaha, this is epic."
Yup, it was 7 in the morning.
This is crazy, I feel old, hahaha!
Daphne is feeling a little cray cray today.
Messy blog post.
Maybe I'm just too tired.
The pressure was too cray cray.
"Monthly pain" struck once I landed.
Wow, so cray cray.
I'm a little cray cray now.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Heart wants what it wants

Wow, I can't keep up with time.
Time passes too fast.
My previous blog post felt like it was just yesterday.
I looked at the date, I last updated 6 days ago. Whut?
Time, calm yo tits, go slower...
I need more time, can't believe it's almost mid November.
2015 is coming!!! Whut?
Something big is about to go down on December.
It has to be December.

Haven't done hair treatment in a while.
My hair is dying along with the stress, it needs more nutrients, lol!
The salon I go to, Editor Salon has relocated for about a month now.
I only had time to visit my hairdresser, Chefuu last week.

Did Kerastase hair treatment as usual.
Hair is smooth as crazy.

Tried black brows the other day.
Always like black brows, wish I had Cara Delevingne's eyebrows!

Black leather dress from Australia.
Necklace from
Long socks from H&M.
Creepers from Topshop.

Hairstylist Chefuu and yours truly.

Did this hairstyle the other day, I really liked it.

As much as I want to continue blogging, my eyes are closing.
My schedule is so packed, not complaining!
Flying off this Saturday, I don't like flights but no complaining, Daphne, no complaining.

Today's music...
Haha, mainstream but... I've been replaying.
I was really intrigued by the monologue.
The music video is very well filmed, especially when they decided to go with black and white.
Very satisfying visual.
My favourite part is 3:04min onwards.

Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What It Wants
"Save your advice cause I won't hear.
You might be right but I don't care."

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Diary : Emotions, Paper Towns review

Sometimes people tell me
"Wow, your blog is so real" bla bla bla.
Think about it, all I do is whine, whine on my blog.
Is it whining? Maybe not...
Maybe just spreading senseless, foolish emotions to people.
People think I'm a good example but I'm a bad influence.
I'm 22, I can't get my shit together.

There are few things I want to talk about today.

Emotional Roller Coaster
Never allow yourself to go on the "emotional roller coaster".

Simon told me that I fall for the simplest things in life and
that I'm a happy person because I'm easily satisfied.
I let myself on the emotional roller coaster.
When I feel happy, I feel really happy, I want to share with the world.
When I feel sad, I feel extremely devastated, I just want to be alone.
Look at where I am right now.
The past 2 months were fantastic, good things happened in life.
I couldn't be more thankful, I smiled, I laughed every single day last two months.
People started worrying about me being TOO HAPPY.
I actually laughed sarcastically when I typed that sentence.
Worried about me being too happy! HA! Too happy... Need to be worried... HA!
It's like a roller coaster ride, you reach the top, highest you can go.
Wait for it, wait for it...
You fall, no, you drop, abruptly, beyond your control, without you expecting.
You drop, from the highest to the lowest.

That's when you're crushed, emotionally, so crushed, you're doomed.
There are so many things which are out of your control and expectation.
Shit just happens, it just happens.

At that time, you wish you got on a Carousel, not a roller coaster.

The wise says "no expectation, no disappointment".
We expect too much in life.
Let me correct that, I EXPECT too much in life.
Remember I said I always believe if I don't deceive people, people won't deceive me.
I'm expecting them to be nice to me just because I'm nice to them.
I'm expecting people to think the way I do because I think the way I do.
You see my expectation there?
It doesn't work that way.

Expectations kill everything.

 Everyone is different
The point before leads me to this and it's something from Paper Towns that inspired me.
About expectation.
Paper Towns is kind of similar to Looking for Alaska.
I don't remember if I blogged about Looking for Alaska, I probably did.
These two books are pretty good but they didn't "wow" me that much.
I'll give them a 7/10.
There's one part that impressed me and it made me think.
I'm supposed to have my book with me right now because I need it for reference.
I wasn't thinking much, I left it, I left it on my bed, shit!

Spoiler alert!
It was when Radar scolded Q for blaming Ben being caught up with prom.
Q was eager to find Margo, Ben was eager to go to prom with  Lacey.
Ben couldn't care more about finding Margo.
Q couldn't understand because he thought that Margo's disappearance was more important.
Q was pissed at Ben for NOT CARING.

Radar said something like...
Ben is still Ben, Q is still Q, Radar is still Radar.
Ben wants to go to prom, it's the last week before graduation.
Q loves Margo since forever, Q wants to find Margo.
Radar wants to go to prom with her new girlfriend.

 Well, thank God for internet, I don't even need my book for reference. Here you go.
“You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves.
I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never 
being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like,
never asking me about how it's going with my girlfriend - 
but I don't give a shit, man, because you're you. 
My parents have a shit ton of black Santas, but that's okay. They're them.
I'm too obsessed with a reference website to answer my phone sometimes
when my friends call, or my girlfriend.
That's okay, too. That's me.
You like me anyway. And I like you.
You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.”

 The world doesn't spin around you.
You love a person, a friend, family for who they are.
You don't expect them to adjust to fit your mood, fit your life.
You like them for who they are.

Don't expect people to understand you.
They are them, you are you.

I always ask my friends for advices but I know them myself.
I know what's good, what's bad for me.
I know what's real, what's fake to me because I, myself, experienced it, not you.
Sometimes, you won't understand because you're not me, you don't know what I'm feeling.
Even if you understand how I feel, you still have your own thinking.
Everyone is entitled to their own thinking, own perception, own opinion.
You're a wise person, you expect your friend to think the way you think, wise.
No, it just doesn't work that way.

Be there for them, it's as simple as that.

 Paper Towns by John Green
A few quotes that I really like.

My favourite will be the one here-
  “It is so hard to leave—until you leave.
And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

“The town was paper, but the memories were not.” 

“If you don't imagine, nothing ever happens at all.”  

“I'm starting to realize that people lack good mirrors.
It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.” 

A few parts made me laugh, especially when Ben superglued himself to a beer can sword.


Don't disregard how one handles pain
Mentally/emotionally or physically.
Just like how I can stand the pain of getting a tattoo, my friend can't take the pain.
Just like how a person takes heartache well, some, obviously, not so good at it.
Only people who experienced true heartache know the pain.
I can't remember when did I last feel such devastation.
This is the worst so far, ...I don't know?
I felt horrible, I feel so terrible, it makes me feel like puking, literally.
You can't talk, you needed someone but you can't talk.
The pain runs through your body, you can't eat too.
Your chest doesn't hurt but your heart aches, I don't know, you just feel it.

I read this article one year back.
It says something like only people who experienced heartache can sing about it and write about it.
I reckon it's true, I don't know why I'm thinking about Taylor Swift and Bruno Mars.

This post is getting too long.
I should end it.

Have a good day, xx.

Monday, November 3, 2014

Music Talk : Ed Sheeran in Malaysia, Jessie J

Yes, got some time off today!
I'm going to talk about music, haven't blogged about music lately.
Be sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook, I share good music there more often.

First thing.

I think I made it known to people that I'm quite a hardcore Ed Sheeran fan.
So sweet of you guys who bothered to send me messages, xx to you!
It's not just Facebook messages, Instagram comments.
I received texts from my friends too.
Some congratulated me for my dream coming true, haha.
Yes, Ed Sheeran is coming to Malaysia.
Yes yes, what a dream come true.
I've actually planned to go to Aussie with Jane next March.
I was planning a trip to catch Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran live.
Two birds with one stone yeah.
(Talking about the two, Ed Sheeran made a special appearance at a Sam Smith's gig.
Yeh, it's like hitting a jackpot with a jackpot, I want to be British for that.)
Then, Ed confirmed a show in Singapore.
I thought Singapore would be it.
Until he announced his only show in Malaysia.
*moment of silence*
Too excited, I don't even know how to react, really calm this time.
Just waiting for the ticket release date, it's getting closer.
I'm going to get the tickets, then patiently wait for March 16.

FYI, he's playing at Hall 5, KL Convention Centre on 16th of March 2015.

My mission as a Sheerio is to spread his goodness.
I'm happy that I influenced my followers to listen to him.
My friends who didn't believe in his goodness are now completely converted.
I take credit for that (:

I think I love him in suits or checkered(s).

1. Watch his latest music video of "Thinking Out Loud". 
I shared too many times, I think people are getting tired of it, so Youtube it yourself.
He dancedddddddddd...
2. Watch out for MTV EMA, he's performing!
3. The outfit he wore for X Factor UK, so much drooling.
4. Yes, he has a girlfriend, she's hot, she gets to yumcha with Taylor Swift and travel with Ed.
She's backstage all the time, most importantly, she gets most loving from Ed (:
Lol, I sound so fan girl, ok maybe just a little bit.

Moving on.
I want to talk about Jessie J today.
The music she makes is not really my type but I can't deny they are pretty catchy.
What impresses me more is her passion for music.
She's very underrated for a powerful, unique voice like that.

To be honest, when I first heard "Bang Bang",
I thought this tune was too commercialized, it sounded not original, 
sounded like just any other pop-R&B-hip hop.
It was probably the radio, haha, I danced so hard to this song at the club, lol.
Surprisingly, I know the lyrics to it.
This song is made to go very popular and they made it.

Her energy on stage is very very very admirable.
Forget about the high key at chorus for "Burnin' Up", check 2:38min+, that crazy vocal.

She owns my favourite part for "Bang Bang".
She nails it every time, 2:41min+.
I wish she rapped though, but this song is too hard to be done alone
since this song is made for THREE singers to sing, imagine how hard it is.

Her vocal range is so wide.
She can go really low and extremely high, not many can do that.

Gawd, I love her enthusiasm.

Hope you enjoyed the videos.
That's it for music today.
I'll do book review soon again, haven't done it in a while.
So many of you asked for book review, gahhh, let's see if I can finish one book today.
If you have any good book to recommend, want me to read it, let me know!

See you, xx.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Love, Rosie

What kind of a lover are you?
Will you put your ego down for the one you love?
I find there are two types.
One is the stubborn, egoistic one who never want to back down.
One is the reasonable, understanding one who would give in.

 You know, I still receive emails about the "don't be jealous of your partner's ex gf/bf" post.
Some guys thank me because I made their girlfriend understand.
Some girls thank me for making them understand.
Yeh, I know, very flattering, I'm happy that I can help.
I think I was a bad tempered girlfriend, I've learnt now and I want to do better.
I've never been so calm, I'm just really calm now.
Somehow, I feel there's no need for argument.
Well, I don't know yet because I'm not in a relationship, I'm just seeing someone.

I have so many egoistic girl friends, I think, I guess.
They never back down, they don't back down, they don't give in.
Sometimes, I really wonder how they do it, my salutations.
This is the first type - the "I don't give a fxxx" type.
"Oh yeah, you don't text me? I'm not going to text you."
"Oh yeah, you're not sorry? Don't expect me to be sorry."
Lol, normally in this case, I'd just go like "can you both just make up already?"
They can just be really fine and really just not give a damn about it.

The second type - I don't even know what to call this type.
The soft ones, I guess.
I think I'm this type, most of the time.
I'd want to reason, there's no need for argument, there's space for discussion.
That's my moto, just tell me if you're not happy, lol.
鬥氣很累耶 得來的是甚麼?

There's no such thing as win or lose in this.
Quoting John Legend, "even when I lose, I'm winning..."
Don't know what that means?
Shiet, maybe I'm just too unrealistic and a hopeless romantic.

I'm not saying that women should put down their ego or dignity for a man.
Of course, you still gotta keep your head up and maintain that class.
Being classy isn't playing "hard to get", being classy is having respect for yourself, for others.
You know what to do, when to do, how to do and when to stop.
You know what to say, when to say, how to say and when to stop.
Hahaha, I talk so much but I don't even know what I'm doing.

Watched this movie lately, loved it!
Spoiler alert, don't read if you haven't watched the movie.
Watch the movie first, then continue reading.
I've been waiting for this movie Love, Rosie.
Starring the gorgeous Lilly Collins and hot hunk Sam Claflin
Ashley first showed me the trailer, I fell in love when High Hopes played at the background.
Dayum, good choice of soundtrack.
This song gets to me all the time, of course, it hit me again when I watched the trailer.
Again, the choices of soundtracks are well made.
I don't know what's the title of the song played during Rosie's wedding.
Special, not normal for a scene like that but it hits you.
Especially when Rosie's daughter and her friend were listening to it on earphones.
The 1975's Chocolate was featured too, niceeeeee...

"It was no ordinary friendship, we were inseparable, constantly being separated."
"I've realized that no matter where you are or who you're with,
I will always, truly, completely, love you."
That "Best Woman" speech, oh my...

I had so much in my head on the way out of the theatre.
Too bad I didn't have my laptop with me the other day.
Every inspiration is gone, oh no, why?

I guess all I want to say is...
There's no winning or losing in a relationship.
You need to put your ego down sometimes to make things work.
Not for the sake of making things work but for the person you love.
You miss your chance guarding your EGO.
You ego is sooooooooo important that you would risk losing something so special.
Again, 有時候別磚牛角尖 別太執著
You might be looking at the world's most beautiful and wonderful thing.
Something that's going to mean so much to you.

Just tell him you miss him.
Just tell her you feel special for her.

Good luck, xx.