Hey ya, I'm back from Philippines.
I went to Cebu for this trip.
Thought I'll be going to Manila end of this month but not going anymore.
Wish I get to visit Manila soon.
Philippines was amazing, I'll blog about it later.
I did a little soul searching throughout this trip.
Just a very little soul searching with the very little time allowed, lol.
I find that I fear a lot.
I need to learn to lose the fear, let go of it.
I don't know since when I'm fear of so many things.
I used to be so carefree and I'd just do whatever I want.
Too many bad decisions making I guess.
I fall, I know the pain, I really don't want to fall again.
I try really hard to "fix" things, to make sure things don't go wrong.
I often fear that things go wrong.
How to let go of fear if you ask me...
I don't even know how to.
I asked a friend
"Don't you fear...?
Well, how do you do this?
How do you not fear?"
"I do fear but there's nothing you can do about it!"
Yeh, absolutely, it's true.
There's nothing I can do about it.
It's useless to feel fear about it because you can't do anything about it.
Shit is going to happen if it is meant to happen.
It's frustrating to know that shit happens sometimes.
You really just don't want shit to happen.
But hey, it's life.
Sometimes, I make decisions out of fear.
I don't want to lose something important, I surrender, I cling onto it.
I don't want to let go, I'm afraid that if I let go, I'll lose it forever.
When I think about it, fear links to not being able to let go.
I still can't learn to let go.
It's really bad because I'm so vulnerable.
I don't know man, the key to all these is to learn self confidence.
Be confident, love yourself more, none of these will happen.
I don't know, sometimes I feel I do too little for myself and a little too much for others.
I just wish everyone is happy.
When they are happy, I'm happy too.
Which is very wrong again.
Cause you own your own happiness.
If you depend on people to give you happiness, it's wrong.
You need to be happy yourself first.
You need to be able to make yourself happy first.
My goodness, I'm such a bad writer, all these contradictions.
Swaggaboi6989 said I'm a bad writer.
I don't understand why people would want to grow up.
I wanted to grow up when I was 15.
What was I even thinking? Hahaha.
I so wanted to be 18 when I was 15.
When I was 18, I was like "hold on, go back, go back, it's a trap!"
It's life, it's just life.
"Dude, having these crazy deep thoughts recently, we're growing up."
"Ya, me too."
"I don't wanna grow up, dude"
"I just want to lock myself in a box and never grow up."
"It's life, dude."
"It's like, every day is a new challenge."
"Yes, if everything was simple, we would not be here."
"Wait, why are we talking about this in the morning?"
"Hahahahaha, this is epic."
Yup, it was 7 in the morning.
This is crazy, I feel old, hahaha!
Daphne is feeling a little cray cray today.
Messy blog post.
Maybe I'm just too tired.
The pressure was too cray cray.
"Monthly pain" struck once I landed.
Wow, so cray cray.
I'm a little cray cray now.